Why can't it be just you and me?
by relaxovision
Summary: Two shot: San writes a letter to Britt about her insecurities; Britt responds with a love letter... and it's not written in crayon.
1. Why can't it be just you and me?

For **sealit** (on tumblr) who asked: _"Are you taking brittana fan fic letter prompts? could you do a letter from santana to brittany about why she's so scared to come out/who she wants to tell the most/what she hopes for? basically a "this is why i'm so insecure" letter."_

I love writing for my OTP! Thank you for the lovely prompt!

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><p>Britt Britt,<p>

I love you, but you know that already. I've told you before and I will tell you again if that's what you want.

I'm writing to you, because at this point I'm not sure where we stand. You said "anything is possible". Anything, Britt… that's really a large variety of possibilities and I'm not sure I can stand this.

When I confessed my love to you, that was a really huge deal for me. I've never done that for anyone. I've never felt like this for anyone but you. You are the love of my life. You've always been. And when you rejected me… that was the worst moment of my life. I don't know if I will ever recover from that.

The expression on your face when you told me that you love him and that you wouldn't be with me is forever engraved into my cells. It was my worst nightmare coming true.

I'm so happy that we are friends again as I've missed you so much (so much). Ever since you started dating Artie we haven't been close the way we used to be. You are the only one – the only one – I talk to; like, really talk to. When you are not there I don't have anyone. I'm alone.

Please don't think I'm mad at you, because I'm not. I'm beginning to understand why you did what you did and I respect you too much to pretend my pain is all your fault. I love you too much to be mad when you haven't really done anything wrong.

When I poured my heart out to you I expected you to give up a relationship that was working for you at the time. I expected you to give that up for me, for someone who seems like she's ashamed of being with you. I approached you with the selfish wish to claim you for myself and then I never planned on giving you anything in return.

You deserve better than that. You deserve someone who's proud of being with you and Artie seemed to give you that.

You are wonderful. You are a wonderful friend, a wonderful person. You are supportive and encouraging and sweet and lively. Everything you do, everything you say is magic. You are everything I'm not.

I'm not ashamed of being with you, Britt. I promise, I'm not.

I'm ashamed of being with me.

You know me better than anyone else and having you in my life is probably... no, it's definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me. I heard it when you said that you love me. I heard it and although it makes me unbelievably happy it's also frightening.

No one but you has ever accepted me for who I am. No one but you has ever loved me for who I am. Not even my parents.

Every day I am reminded of who I am supposed to be, of who they want me to be. I have to be a princess, I have to make them proud, I have to find my prince, someone who's worthy of inheriting my parents' kingdom and passing on their precious genes and name.

I don't even want to do that. I want to be with you. But it would mean to disappoint them. It would mean risking to lose my family. I'm pretty sure my dad would kick me out. You know what he's like sometimes.

And my mom? She started to cry when I told her I don't want to marry right after school and that I was going to break up with Puck. She doesn't even care about if I go to college. All she wants is grandchildren and there is no stork building a lesbian nest to drop off lady babies outside my window, Britt.

Sorry.

What I'm trying to say is: I'm scared. I want to be with you more than I've ever wanted to be with anyone in my life. I love you. I love you with everything I got, from the bottom of my heart. But I'm so scared. And as much as I would like to believe that it's all in my head and that everything will be fine… that's not the case.

The threat is real, Britt.

It won't even stop at home. The kids at this school are so cruel. Not even the bully-whips could protect Kurt. And everybody hates me already. Up until now my reputation worked as a shield to protect me from everyone's attacks. Don't you think they will use the first chance they get to tear me down? It would make it just too easy, too tempting.

I'm not even safe in Glee or have you forgotten all the insults they throw at me?

I'm a bitch.

Sometimes love doesn't come at all.

The only job I'll get is working on a pole.

When I sang Landslide with you I was ready to open up. For the first time I understood what you were talking about. I felt that you wanted to be close to me and that I wanted to be close to you.

But Rachel took this tiny emotional outburst of mine to bash me. I can't blame her, either, I guess. God knows, I wouldn't have let that opportunity slip.

I'm not safe, not anywhere, except when we are alone. When it's just you and me I feel protected.

Why can't we be alone all the time? Why can't it always be just you and me?

Just know that I still want to be with you. I love you. I need you. I want you. So bad.

I wish I was brave like you. Do you think you can help me with that?

Do you think you can help me be brave like you?

xoxo San


	2. It can be just you and me!

So this letter turned out to be more wishful thinking than canon. Hope you like it anyways.

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><p>Oh Santana, my little scaredy cat.<p>

I love you, too and I'm proud of you whatever you do. I've tried to tell you so many times. Like, when I made your shirt I was thinking of how brave you were when you told me how you feel. And it makes me even prouder that you wrote that letter to me. I know how hard it is for you to acknowledge that you have feelings at all so this really means a lot.

You know I've been waiting for this for, like, forever. It's a huge deal for me, too.

I don't want you to make any big declarations. I loved when you sang that song for me to cheer me up, but I don't want you to be anyone you're not. I want you, Santana. The real you.

When I asked you to come to Fondue for two I was so disappointed that you didn't show. I really wanted to go to prom with you (you looked totally hot in your dress by the way). I see now why you did that, but you could have told me. You can tell me everything. I thought you knew that. I'm glad, though, that you told me now.

You know that even though you didn't come that day, you could have still been my date. All you had to do was to ask.

Instead you showed up with Dave. You keep rejecting me, too. And it hurts. Why can't you just quit hurting both of us and be with me?

I want the girl who'd kick that guy's ass who dared to look at me the wrong way. I want the girl who put chewing gum in Mrs. Cooper's pocket for grading my book report down, because it was written in crayon. I want the girl who isn't afraid of speaking her mind, even if it hurts, especially when it hurts. I love the girl with the snarky remarks and unique sense of humor. I love the Santana who'd stick up for what she believes in. We've been friends now for how long? Before there was Quinn, before there were Cheerios, before there were boys, it was already you and me. Don't be ashamed. Don't be scared.

I, too, am glad that we are friends again. I worship you. I love you. So much. Honey, you know how much I missed you. I've told you so often.

And you could be with me if you'd just do exactly that: be with me. That's all I'm asking for. Everything else we could figure out together.

If you want to be brave we can start off little. If you don't think you can protect yourself then I will do that for you. At least until you're strong enough. As long I get to be with you, exclusively, I will help you with whatever.

No more lies, no more pretending, no more Santana going out with random guys. As long as I won't always be the one enforcing our relationship I don't need anything else. No big declarations, no love songs in front of everyone, just you and me being together.

That would totally rock my world.

- B.


End file.
